Toby was my dog, she was the one we kept when our friends' lives stabilized enough for them to invite one of the dogs back into their home.
She was gentle, affectionate, obedient, and a wonderful companion as long as we were at home.
However, my beloved black lab mix was absolutely terrible on a leash!
Every single time we went for a walk she would try to drag me down the street - my arms would ache from the effort to keep her at my side. Sometimes I would try anchoring the leash by wrapping it around my hips; when my son was a baby I would attach the leash to the stroller so Toby could help pull it up the sloping hills in our neighborhood. She was a "puller" - she thought she was supposed to lead us, not the other way around!
While at a thrift store one day I found the book, Cesar's Way. I had heard of Cesar Millan before; I knew he had a television show called "The Dog Whisperer," so I grabbed that book thinking, "I will give this a shot!"
From then on I learned to carry myself differently from the inside out; learning to be calm-assertive not only with Toby, but with my students as well. As an art teacher, especially a middle school art teacher, calm-assertive leadership is vital!
How did I teach my dog to walk at my side instead of dragging me down the street? The secret was a simple change in my attitude (along with lots of repetition and practice!)... Teacher attitude is the pillar of support for everything else that happens in a classroom. All efforts at providing quality instruction, motivation, and discipline will crumble if the teacher is unable to maintain strong leadership.
Here are 5 things I learned by applying Cesar Millan's advice for being a "pack leader:"
|Toby's favorite position for relaxing|
I never understood anything about influence until becoming a teacher, and I didn't understand how to be a strong leader until I read Cesar's Way. A lot of teachers in my past tried to use fear and intimidation to control their students, so for the first few years of my career, I thought that was what I had to do with the "tough" kids in my classes. I was wrong!
Leadership has nothing to do with controlling someone else; it has everything to do with trying to improve the lives of others. It is servanthood.
Cesar Millan says dogs need exercise, discipline, and affection, exactly in that order. He also says that Americans lavish affection and attention on their dogs but do not exercise or discipline them correctly (the same might be true for children as well!) This recipe makes for neurotic dogs who will be much more likely to take on bad habits.
So many teachers are afraid to hold their students accountable, as if they are being abusive if they issue a consequence or correct bad behavior! Discipline in and of itself is not abusive, it is exactly the opposite. Discipline, if done correctly, is a very healthy thing. We discipline because we love.
3. Having positive energy/thoughts (and controlling the negative ones), is the only way to be a strong leader. Cesar Millan says that a dog will not trust or follow a human who is "unbalanced;" feeling frustrated, angry, anxious, or otherwise negative. So, whenever Toby's behavior annoyed me, I wasn't able to lead her effectively. I had to learn to control my own response to her behavior before I could teach her better habits. Dogs will only truly follow a leader who is calm-assertive. Children? They might comply with your instructions regardless of your attitude, but they will never really "buy in" to what you are teaching unless they trust you. I am human, so I know it is pretty unreasonable to expect never to get frustrated! The key is in not allowing that frustration to affect those around me. Last week, I had a rough time managing a kindergarten class. I was still feeling pretty stressed when a high school group came in a few minutes later, so I just told them about it. They understood, gave me a few minutes to just be quiet, and we still had a great class!
4. My body language affects whether or not the dog (or child!) perceives me as a leader. Both dogs and children can sense whether or not you are in charge. They know! Am I walking erect, with shoulders back and my head held high? Or, am I looking at the ground, with sloping shoulders?
If I don't "feel" like being a leader, I can pretend to be one:
From Cesar's Way:
|Elizabeth Taylor as Cleopatra|
"The best actors learn to dig deep inside themselves, to use the power of thought, feeling, and imagination to transform themselves into different characters. I asked Sharon to concentrate on a simple exercise: to think of a character she identified as being calm and assertive. Because of her (actor's) training, Sharon immediately understood what I was asking her to do. Without hesitation she answered, 'Cleopatra.' I then suggested she 'become' Cleopatra every time she walked (the dog.) Right before my eyes her posture became straighter and her chest higher. She raised her head and gazed imperiously around her as if she were the queen of all she surveyed. Of course, the dog had never gone to acting class but because he picked up on her energy shift he had no choice but to become Sharon's 'scene partner'... he instantly became more relaxed and less fearful."
Lecturing students is counterproductive - how many times have you tried to talk a child into behaving rather than enforce a consequence? Which works better? Kids don't know the reasons why they act up, but they know when they are wrong. Getting into a verbal sparring match with kids is useless. Two of my favorite authors, Michael Linsin and John Rosemond, are staunch supporters of using very few words when disciplining children.
|3 vet techs. trimming Charlie's matted fur|
While writing this article, I heard my son yell at Charlie to get out of the kitchen (it is our house rule that if someone is eating, the dog stays out of the kitchen). Yelling? Oh, no... I explained to him that a dog will not likely obey you if you are frustrated or yelling. It is much better to CALMLY and silently use your body to communicate what you want. I told my son to use his arm to gesture, "Get over there," and if the dog doesn't do it he can get up and walk toward the dog, who will most likely comply by moving back. If the dog respects and trusts you, it will obey you. I can pretty much guarantee that the dog knows exactly what you mean! Dogs and kids both have an uncanny sense in reading true intentions!
|Charlie, our stubborn Shih-Tzu|
Meaning Business Part II; The Body Language of Commitment, Fred Jones, educationworld.com
"Seven percent. That’s how much speaking impacts your students. The other 93 percent is attributed to non-verbal communication. Part of that 93 percent is the way you use your voice—tone, volume, pace, enunciation, etc. The rest is body language." Michael Linsin, Body Language and Classroom Management
"Most teachers talk too much. Their voice is a looping soundtrack to every day—reminding, warning, micromanaging, and guiding students through every this and that. If you cut the amount of talking you do by a third, and focus only on what your students to know, then what you say will have greater impact. Your words will reach their intended destination, and your students will begin tuning you in rather than tuning you out." How To Speak So Students Will Listen, by Michael Linsin
"Great leaders don't need to act tough. Their confidence and humility serve to underscore their toughness." Simon Sinek
Leaders Eat Last, Simon Sinek, YouTube
"Right or wrong, we in America expect our leaders to project a charismatic energy that infects and energizes everyone around them - consider Tony Robbins. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr .projected an energy that was what I call 'calm-assertive' - the ideal energy for a leader....... In our human landscape, (calm-assertive personalities) are few and far between, but they are almost always the most powerful, impressive, and successful people on the block. Oprah Winfrey ..... is the epitome of calm-assertive energy. She is relaxed, even-tempered, but undeniably powerful, and always in charge." Cesar Milan, Cesar's Way
article by Mrs. Anna Nichols